There’s no such thing as proper English. There’s only English that makes sense to someone, somewhere — and English that doesn’t.

The Traditional Assumption:

There is a single, correct form of English. It is polished, published, preferably British, ideally upper class, possibly from the 19th century, and almost certainly not yours.

Why It’s Broken:

Because English never was one thing. It was born in a mess and grew up in chaos. It’s a Frankenstein’s monster stitched from Germanic roots, Latin veins, Norse brawn, French skin, and global tattoos.

The idea of “Proper English” is not about grammar — it’s about power. It’s about whose accent gets respected, whose dialect gets mocked, and whose mistakes are forgiven because they wear a tie.

The Lies We Were Told:

• “There’s a right way to speak.”
  ⟶ No, there’s a standard way to speak — usually taught in classrooms and broadcast by news anchors. But “standard” is not “superior.”

• “Only uneducated people use slang.”
  ⟶ Then why does every new generation invent some? It’s not ignorance — it’s innovation.

• “Non-native speakers should imitate native ones.”
  ⟶ Why? Native English isn’t even consistent among natives. Jamaican English is English. So is Nigerian English. So is Indian English. So is Chicano Spanglish. So is Singlish. So is Black English.

• “British English is the original.”
  ⟶ So original it borrowed everything it owns. The Queen’s English is mostly a performance — and it's never been global majority English.

Absurd Examples of “One True English” Breaking Down:

• “I’m done my homework.” → Common in Canada. Wrong in Texas. Perfect in context.

• “I be working late.” → Black English Vernacular. Not broken — grammatically consistent in its own tense system.

• “He ain’t got none.” → Double negatives used for emphasis in many dialects. Linguistically valid — and ancient.

• UK: “He’s in hospital.”
  US: “He’s in the hospital.”
  Who’s right? Neither. Or both.

• “I will do it, shall I?” (UK) vs. “I’m gonna do it, right?” (US) vs. “I go do am, abi?” (Nigeria)
  All signal the same thing: tag-question. All correct. None “superior.”

The True Nature of English:

It’s multiple Englishes. It is pluricentric, evolving, adaptive, and democratic. No language has absorbed and exported more than English — and it’s doing it faster now than ever.

English is the rap lyric and the legal contract. The Ghanaian tech startup pitch and the Kiwi weather forecast. The meme and the manifesto.

The Reform Proposal:

1. End the fantasy of a single correct English. Acknowledge registers — formal, informal, regional, creative — and respect them all.

2. Celebrate global Englishes. ESL speakers are not “broken.” They are bilingual miracle workers.

3. Teach flexibility, not purity. Students should learn how English changes, not just how it’s “supposed” to look in 1950s textbooks.

4. Decentralize authority. Stop treating Oxford and Merriam-Webster as popes. Recognize real-world usage as the living dictionary.

How It Would Work in Practice: