If we kicked every idiom that made no sense, we’d be throwing out more babies than bathwater — and none of the babies were ever in a bath.

The Traditional Rule:

Idioms are accepted, fixed expressions with shared cultural meaning. Don’t question them. Just memorize and use them correctly.

Why It’s Broken:
Because idioms are the junk drawers of English — full of phrases that sound poetic, but collapse under scrutiny. “Head over heels”? That’s how most people stand. “Let the cat out of the bag”? Why was there a cat in a bag in the first place? These expressions are opaque, culturally locked, and often violate the very grammar rules they’re supposed to live within.

Absurdities and Contradictions:

• “I couldn’t care less.” → Often mangled into “I could care less,” which means the opposite.

• “By and large” → Means “generally.” Etymology? Maritime nonsense. Clarity? None.

• “Nip it in the bud” → Frequently said as “nip it in the butt.” Unintentionally hilarious.

• “Head over heels” → Isn't that… normal? Shouldn’t falling in love be “heels over head”?

• “Begs the question” → Rarely used correctly. Meant to refer to circular reasoning, now just means “raises the question.”

• “You can’t have your cake and eat it too.” → Actually means the reverse of how it’s often understood.

• “Throw someone under the bus” → Vivid, violent, but why a bus? Why not a horse?

• “Break a leg” → Supposedly good luck in theatre. Try explaining that to a literal-minded learner.

• “Raining cats and dogs” → Completely meaningless. Has anyone ever seen that?

Real-World Confusion:

• Idioms confuse English learners more than grammar ever will.

• Idioms differ wildly by region: Americans don’t “pop their clogs” or “get shirty.”

• Literal-minded readers and ESL students often interpret them absurdly:

  • “Kick the bucket” = violence?

  • “Cold turkey” = what kind of meal plan is this?

  • “The ball is in your court” = is this about tennis now?

British vs. American Variants:

• US: “Shoot the breeze” = chat

• UK: “Chew the fat” = same thing, but somehow more medieval

• US: “Bite the bullet” = tolerate pain

• UK: “Grin and bear it” = same idea, more polite

• US: “Go the whole nine yards”

• UK: “Give it some welly”

• Idioms rarely translate. And worse — they evolve and mutate regionally.

The Reform Proposal:

1. Stop pretending idioms are sacred. Mark them clearly as figurative, not grammatical structures.

2. Create idiom guides based on real usage, not historical origins.

3. Allow creative alternatives that are modern, vivid, and intuitive.

4. Accept reformulations when they better match what people actually understand or intend.

How It Would Work in Practice:

• “I could care less” → Replace with “I don’t care at all” ✅

• “Head over heels” → Update to “flipped for you” ✅

• “Raining cats and dogs” → “Raining buckets” ✅

• “Break a leg” → “Own the stage” ✅

• “Kick the bucket” → “Passed on” or just… “died” ✅

• “The ball is in your court” → “It’s your move” ✅

• “Let the cat out of the bag” → “Spoiled the surprise” ✅

Final Word: Say What You Mean.
Idioms are often beautiful — until they become barriers. If language is meant to connect, not confuse, then maybe it’s time we retired the linguistic taxidermy and embraced metaphors that actually make sense.