English plurals are like medieval tax laws — weird, inherited, and nobody really knows who made them up.

The Traditional Rule:

Most English nouns form the plural by adding -s or -es. But some don’t. Some change vowels. Some change entirely. And some pretend to be Latin, even when they’re not.

Why It’s Broken:
Because English pluralization is chaos masquerading as structure. One child, two children. One foot, two feet. One sheep, two sheep. One cactus, two cacti — unless it’s cactuses. One syllabus, two syllabi — or syllabuses. The rule is: there is no rule, only historical residue and academic arrogance. Learners have no choice but to memorize case-by-case weirdness.

Absurdities and Contradictions:

• One mouse, two mice. One house, two houses. Why not hice?

• One goose, two geese. One moose? Nope — moose. Not meese.

• One index, two indices. Except in tech — where it’s indexes.

• One octopus, three plurals: octopi, octopuses, or octopodes.

• One person, two people. But one persona, multiple personas.

• One alumnus, two alumni. One alumna, two alumnae. One student? Alumni anyway.

• One formula, two formulae — unless it’s baby formula, then it’s formulas.

Real-World Examples:

• “The data is compelling.” → Traditionalists scream: Data are plural! But no one says “these data are.”

• “We have two fish.” → Correct. “We have three fishes.” → Also correct in biology. But not at dinner.

• “The sheep is running.” / “The sheep are running.” → Good luck explaining this to a new learner.

British vs. American Variants:

• Brits prefer “staff are working.” Americans say “staff is.”

• “Maths” (UK) vs. “Math” (US). Singular subject. Why plural at all?

• “The government are corrupt.” (UK) vs. “The government is corrupt.” (US)

The Reform Proposal:

1. Standardize plural forms with -s or -es for all non-proper nouns.

2. Abandon legacy Latin/Greek endings unless required in scientific contexts.

3. Accept regularized “persons” or “peoples” where appropriate and clear.

4. Remove semantic policing around group nouns and collective forms.

How It Would Work in Practice:

• One mouse, two mouses ✅

• One cactus, two cactuses ✅

• One syllabus, two syllabuses ✅

• One octopus, two octopuses ✅

• One alumnus, two alumnuses ✅

• “The data is” = ✅ Singular, as used in modern English

Final Word: Make Plurals Predictable.
There’s no reason plurals should require a PhD in etymology. If we want English to be globally accessible, then this mess needs cleaning. One pattern. One rule. One future. No more moose vs. meese debates. Just plain mouses.