Capital letters: because status anxiety isn’t just for humans — now nouns can feel self-important too.

The Traditional Rule:

Capitalize proper nouns, official titles, and the first word of every sentence. But not common nouns or generic job descriptions — except when maybe you do. Or when it looks better. Or when you’re yelling. Or when it’s Monday.

Why It’s Broken:
Because English capitalization rules are a jumble of pedantic tradition, typographic ego, and cultural bias. Why is “President of the United States” capitalized but “the pope” isn’t? Why is “God” always capitalized in monotheism but “gods” in plural form are demoted? Why does the word “Internet” keep changing its capitalization every few years like it’s going through a branding crisis? Because no one’s in charge and everyone’s making it up.

Absurdities and Contradictions:

• Titles vs. roles:

  • “President Biden” but “the president gave a speech.”

  • “Queen Elizabeth” but “the queen attended.”

  • “Father Joseph” but “my father is a priest.”

  • “Chief Executive Officer” but “the company’s executives.”

• Religious oddities:

  • “God” (monotheistic) is capitalized. “gods” (polytheistic) are not.

  • “Satan” gets a capital S. But “the devil” often doesn’t.

  • “Bible” is capitalized. But “holy books” are not. Why the bias?\n

• Academic hypocrisy:

  • “Professor Smith” but “my professor said…”

  • “English language” (yes) but “french fries” (no?)

  • “Earth” when referring to the planet. But “the earth shook” — lowercase.

Real-World Examples:

• “The President and Vice President met the prime minister and the pope.” ← All correct… somehow.

• “They visited the West, then the east.” ← Depends on whether we mean geography or ideology.

• “I majored in History and Political Science” ← Except sometimes it’s “history and political science.”

• “Welcome to the Internet.” ← Or is it “internet” now? Check again in six months.

British vs. American Variants:

• Americans capitalize more job titles, academic departments, and bureaucratic roles.

• Brits are more conservative, but also more flexible with things like “Prime Minister” vs “prime minister.”

• UN style guides, journalistic style guides, and academic style guides all contradict each other.

The Reform Proposal:

1. Capitalize only the first word of a sentence and personal/proper names (people, places, companies).

2. Ditch automatic title capitalization unless it directly replaces the name.

3. Apply consistent rules to religious, academic, and institutional terms — no divine favoritism.

4. Stop fetishizing capitalization as a form of respect or prestige. That’s what honorifics are for.

How It Would Work in Practice:

• “Joe Biden, the president of the United States” ✅

• “the queen of England, Queen Elizabeth II” ✅

• “the pope met the president” ✅

• “I majored in psychology and literature” ✅

• “the internet is down again” ✅

• “my dad works at nasa” ✅ (and maybe we standardize acronyms next…)

Final Word: Lowercase the Ego.
Capitalization is not a badge of superiority — it’s a tool for clarity. Let’s stop using it to stroke status and confuse learners. If it’s not a name, it doesn’t need a crown. Period.